If gay life were one giant ballroom (and it sort of is), eccentric leather men have lingered in the back, in the shadows, for generations... But thanks to the internet, fetish gaming has risen to prominence in the last decade. Regardless of whether you're eccentric or vanilla, knowing some basic terminology will help you navigate through profiles of hookup apps and boost your confidence at your local leather bar. And who knows? You might stumble across a term you didn't know existed – and something you really want to try. That's why we've created your gay BDSM guide here.

1. Kink and Fetish

These are the broadest terms on this list because, colloquially, they have become synonymous for most people. But as some kinksters emphasize the difference, let's define them separately. A kink is an unconventional sexual interest – that's it. A fetish is a little more specific. Fetishes are generally considered non-human objects that increase sexual arousal and, for some people, may be necessary for sexual arousal. Simply put: a fetish is a specific stimulus (feet, gas masks, certain pieces of clothing), while a kink is just something you enjoy (slavery, spanking, etc.).

2. S&M (also spelled S/M)

This means sadism and masochism. Sadism is the sexual arousal that arises from inflicting pain on others. Masochism is sexual arousal from experiencing painful sensory stimulation. Men who enjoy flogging are sadists. Men who like to be flogged are masochists.

3. BDSM

This acronym stands for bondage, domination/discipline, submission/sadism, and masochism, and is sometimes used as a catch-all term for kink. This can be misleading, however, because someone may have kinks that don't fall under these terms. For example, a man may be exclusively fisting or forced tickling. This man is kink - he has "unconventional" sexual tastes, at least by vanilla people's standards - but he doesn't like everything about BDSM.

4. Dom/Dominant

Most kinks are enjoyed through a dominant-submissive sexual dynamic between two (or more) people. Someone takes charge and the other person submits. The person responsible is the Dom, or Dominant. Male Dominants are often called Lord, and may be called Lord, Daddy, Handler, Coach, etc.

5. Sub/Submissive

Each Dom-sub relationship (usually shortened to D/s) has a slightly different power dynamic, but the sub/sub is always the one who cedes control to the Dominant. Note: subs are not exclusively inferior, but this is definitely more common.

6. Switcher

A switcher is a person who likes dominance and submission - the even naughtier version of the versatile 50/50 bed companion. Naturally, switchers are best matched with other switchers.

7. Scene

This is a somewhat debated term in the kink world, but most kinksters agree that a “scene” is a particular kink, the culture that surrounds it, and the community of practitioners. For example, 'water sports' is a scene that many people enjoy. The debate arises because the term is also used to mean the actual play time between a Dom and a sub. By this second definition, a scene starts when a sub and Dom start the section. Although the length of time for scenes varies based on pre-set limits, scenes often have defined start and end points. We do not encourage beginners to immediately jump into 24/7 extreme scenes, which can be emotionally and psychologically damaging without extensive discussion and prior experience.

8. Limits

Boundaries are important, and the boundaries of each submissive subject are different. A boundary is the point beyond which you do not allow the Dominants to pass. “Soft boundaries” are things you are mostly against, but in certain circumstances you can try. For example, drinking urine is a soft boundary for many – an act not done under most circumstances, but perhaps on special occasions. Soft limits may change over time. A “hard limit”, on the other hand, is non-negotiable.

9. Security Word

Safe words are vital for beginners and experienced kinksters alike. A safeword is a word or phrase that subs use to interrupt a scene. Like hard limits, safewords are non-negotiable. If a Dom ignores a safe word, he is considered "unsafe" and will not be welcome in the kink community. We don't like insecure Doms because they can really hurt people. In kink porn, the industry standard safeword is “red”, so this is what most kinksters use.

10. Leather

Leather is the most popular fetishized material, followed by rubber. Many men are excited about the look of leather clothing, boots, harnesses, and other gear. Leather is so commonly fetishized and has been closely linked to BDSM for so many years that many people now see the “leather community” – men all over the world who enjoy wearing leather and participate in leather events and competitions – as synonymous with kink. and BDSM.

11. Bondage

Bondage is probably the most basic and widely known feature of BDSM. And it is unfailingly one of the most erotic. Bondage involves making a submissive helpless and immobilized. This can be done with ropes, handcuffs, leather handcuffs, chains, stocks and mummification.

12. TCB

Cock and balls torture. This includes ball stretching (stretching the scrotum so that it is lower using weights and other pulling devices) and ball striking, which is exactly what it sounds like: hitting balls with small paddles and similar blunt objects. Electro-stimulation is also commonly used for BPD – especially for penis torture.

13. FF

Fisting /Fisting Fuck. This is the practice of slowly opening the anus with the fingers until the entire hand is inserted. With practice, skilled fisters and fistees (men who are fisted) can go up to the elbow and up to the shoulder - or stick with a double fist. Beginners usually start with toys and dildos and gradually increase. Fisting is not for beginners. When done incorrectly, fisting can cause serious injury. If this is something you want to try, go slow and use lots of lube. You can't use too much lube in fisting - lube should be everywhere when you're done. While it may seem extreme, fisting is one of the most erotic and intense experiences you can have with someone (and it can produce the most mind-blowing orgasms) when done correctly.

14. E-Stimulation/Electro Stimulation

E-Stimulation involves the use of electrodes and electric shock during BDSM play. This is another kink that is not for beginners. Professionally made electrical units should be used.

15. Puppy Play

Puppy play is a scene in the kink world that is rapidly growing in popularity. Puppy play is part of a group of scenes that fall under the umbrella of Animal Training or Animal Play, in which submissives act like animals. Horse play and Cat play also fall into this category. In puppy play, the Dominant is called the Owner or Conductor, and the Submissive is called a puppy or puppy. During the scene, the puppies act stereotypically like dogs – they bark, walk on all fours and come when called (when they feel obedient). Keepers give the puppies “treats” (sexual or otherwise) and discipline them when they misbehave. While there is no standard way for puppy play, most puppies and keepers agree that power dynamics are very relaxed and fun.

16. Slave/Master

If pups and keepers have relaxed power dynamics, master-slave relationships are the opposite. This scene typically involves very hardcore BDSM and slave housework, with long play times - some slaves and masters practice scenes live 24/7.

17. Water Sports/ Piss Play

Also called water sports, piss play fetishizes urine. The men in this scene like to pee or drink pee. Since real puppies (canines) pee on everything, many men who enjoy puppy play also enjoy piss play.

18. Candles

Playing with candles is hardly a scene all its own, but we're sure that somewhere out there is a sadistic man exclusively using candles to drip hot wax on subs and subs to create a painful sensation that usually doesn't leave lasting marks. Typically, though, candles are used alongside other S&M practices during BDSM scenes.

19. Flagellation

Flogging is an S&M practice in which a Dominant whips a submissive with a whip, which is a multi-tailed whip that is usually made of leather. Depending on the severity, flogging can feel like anything from a back rub to an extremely painful experience.

20. Edging

Edging involves dominant men withholding an orgasm from a submissive. You've probably done this to yourself while watching porn: masturbating and getting to the point of ejaculating and then stopping abruptly. This is one of the hottest and most intense “tortures” to experience as a sub, especially when you are allowed to play for hours and with a skilled dominant.

21. Nipple torture

Nipple torture typically involves using devices such as nipple clamps, suction tweezers, clothespins, needles and mousetraps on the nipples to create a painful sensation, but using your hands and teeth also works well.

22. Chastity

No doubt you've seen chastity belts and other male chastity devices somewhere on the Internet. These devices prevent a penis from becoming erect, so by extension they prevent you from reaching orgasm or masturbating. It is a form of control that Doms exercise over subs. Some chastity belts can only be opened with a key - which naturally belongs to a chain around the Lord's neck.

23. Mummification

This is a particular form of bondage in which the entire body is wrapped in some sort of material – usually plastic. As this form of bondage is completely immobilizing, it is not for beginners.

24. Age Game

Age play is a broad term for any eccentric practice that involves the submissive acting younger than they really are or pretending to be a "son", "baby", etc. The fetishes of age game, diapers and children's toys are usually involved.

25. Negotiation

When you meet an eccentric man you're interested in, it's important that the two of you talk honestly and clearly discuss what kinks you both like, what you both are looking to do, what boundaries must be respected and what safe words will be used. . This period of discussion is called “negotiation”. For beginners, it is recommended that you do extensive trading before your first gaming session.

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